How to Resolve a ‘Lover’s Quarrel’ (#RelTalk FB Live Ep #002)
After the successful launch of the #RelTalk (RELationship TALK) Facebook LIVE at Discovery Shores Boracay last March 2018, we’re back with episode #002 as promised every 2nd Sundays of the month!
Lover’s Quarrel
Our episode topic this month is ‘Lover’s Quarrel‘ or ‘Couple’s Fight‘, something everyone in a relationship goes through between husband and wife or boyfriend-girlfriend.
Couples fight – it’s a fact. This is usually brought about by differences in our characteristics and upbringing. It’s just natural to have conflicts when you bring two people together; however minor or major the issue is.
A common question we got in the #RelTalk Facebook LIVE show is how do you resolve a ‘Lover’s Quarrel‘?
3 Major Tips on How to Resolve a ‘Lover’s Quarrel’
We started the online discussion saying that it is usually not helpful in sharing your marital problems publicly on social media, specially when you are still high in emotions. It’s similar to ‘washing your dirty linens in public‘ or something like that. 🙂
As bloggers and online personalities, we have a natural tendency to share things online, so it gets doubly hard for us but it does not justify the former.
Watch the recording of our discussion here :
(If the video is unavailable; you may click this link >> https://www.facebook.com/SeatsForTwo/videos/1650695694986268/ to watch the video on the Facebook platform)
1. Open Communication
Some partners employ the ‘silent treatment‘ where a partner does not talk with the other to avoid further conflict. However, this does not resolve the issue and negative sentiments may increaser further over time harbouring ill feelings.
Worse, a partner does this as a punishment to the other party. The usual culprit here are men who chose to stay quiet and be ‘less expressive‘ to put a halt to the usual verbal barrage during a couple’s fight. There also women who does this to their men to guilt-trip the men into chasing them to talk about the matter.
On the other end of the spectrum, a partner may reach the status of being a nagger and being ‘historical‘, in addition to being ‘hysterical‘, bringing up past mistakes adding fuel to the fire. This is the case of being ‘too‘ expressive which usually the case with women.
We think the key here is in the balance of expressing your feelings, while listening to your partner as well. You listen to clearly know the problem, and at the same time express your feelings to understand the reaction of your partner.
We call this ‘Open Communication‘ where there is sensible communication between to people with an objective of knowing the source of the problem, addressing it, and together, finding the solution to the issue.
From our experience, this is actuallyus. During our 5 years of marriage, Mr. Seat For Two have learned to minimise his practice of ‘silent treatment‘ while Mrs. Seat For Two has learned to control her emotions more and ‘listen ‘as well.
2. Do Not Prolong the Hate
Putting aside issues to avoid conflicts will never resolve the problem. It’s a short-term solution and the problem will rise up again another time or the other.
It’s bound to come back and this time, with a deeper remorse worsened by time. If you have a misunderstanding now, try to resolve it immediately with open communication.
Do not prolong it. As soon as you know that your partner’s high emotions are over, go over and talk about it calmly and sensibly.
We know, it’s easier said than done! But do try!
There’s a Bible verse that says never to let you ‘anger‘ reach the time of the sunset. This implies not to prolong or harbour ill feelings. It’s not healthy for your relationship and your physical health as well!
We used to not talk for days, literally. Being both prideful, no one wants to give-in. And it was not good for our relationship. Today, we usually never go to bed without resolving the issue or misunderstanding.
3. Look Back at Your Love for Each Other
This sound ultimately cheesy, but it’s true!
We’ve gone through some of the worst fights a couple can go through. We’re done with scenarios of breaking glasses, shouting with each other for the neighbor’s entertainment, hitting the wall or doors with fists, and rolling on the floor while crying. ;p
We’ve come to the verge of giving-up our marriage despite all the advise of relatives and friends on the contrary. But aside from the Lord, the one non-spiritual thing that brought us back together is when we asked ourselves how we came to that point and from where we started.
We look back at the day when we got married, shared our vows, and gave our love and promises to each other.
There’s something with that reminiscing when couples realise how foolish they are to hurt each other over trivial matters.
At the end of it all – there’s you and me.
Drop the anger, the pride, and whatever else the devil has put into your minds and hearts. Talk with your heart and look back at your love for each other.
‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.‘ – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
We hope these 3 simple tips will help you lessen your couple fights and misunderstandings and instead, build a abetter and more loving relationship!
Figaro Mobile App
We’d like to thank one of our partners – Figaro Coffee Shop – for supporting us and making episode #002 possible!
Towards the end of the Facebook LIVE show, we did a brief feature and tour of their very new Figaro Mobile App!
Aside from the video recording above, you may also check out this blog feature here (click the link) on how to download and register and automatically get FREE 50 points upon registration if you are among the first 1000 registrants!
And to thank our viewers and supporters, the good office of Figaro Coffee Company is giving away 500 Figaro Points! See the mechanics below:
- Download the Figaro Mobile App on Android or iOS and register
- Take a selfie with your smartphone showing the mobile app and upload it on your public timeline on April 8 & 9, 2018 only answering what you like about the Figaro Mobile App! (Reminder: do not show or partially cover your app QR Code for your own protection)
- Tag the /SeatsForTwo and /FigaroCoffeeCompany Facebook Pages and include the following hashtags;
- #FigaroMobileApp
- #SeatsForTwo
- #Reltalk
Optional: Tag a friend you’d like to treat with the 500 Figaro points! 🙂
Thanks for this info madam and sir.. Hindi naman po perfect yung marriage ko pero masasabi kong masaya kaming mag asawa. Hindi naman po maiwasan yung away, spices na po kasi sa buhay. hehe pero sinisigurado po namin na maso solve ang away bago kami matulog. Yung peace na po yung utak namin before going to sleep. Then always put God in the center of the relationship. Para always po kayo may guidance.
Love the topic last Fb live, kaso medyo hindi po nakisama yung internet. hehe naputol kasi. tas haha nung nag sabi mag download na ng figaro app. na distract na ako.. heheh pero tinapos ko po talaga yung live.. Sana maging ok na sa 003 episode.
God bless!!!
awww super helpful! slaamt talaga..lalo na yang do not prolong the hate. Would love to join sana kaso huhu puno na memory ko
Thank you po sa inyo ms marj and sir jonel sa pagshare po nitong topic nyo bout lovers quarrel.. sa totoo lang po yung relationship po namin ng hubby ko nung unang pagasasama namin eh hindi po naging maganda madalas kami magaway kahit maliit na bagay lang, siguro dahil sa bata padin po kami ng magsama kami kaya medyo immatured pa kami nun pero ngayon na medyo nagkaedad na kami mas naging alam na namin ung dapat gawin everytime may mga pagtatalong nangyayari saming magasawa..hindi na ata mawawala sa mag asawa ang mga pagtatalo pero basta lagi lang natin tandaan na pairalin padin ang pagmamahalan at sinumpaan sa harap ng diyos para mapanatili natin ang pagmamahalan sa ating pamilya.. thank you po talaga sa topic na to kasi mas nalinawan din po ako..